Tried two different apology approaches after my screw up at a neighborhood meeting

Six months ago I messed up bad at a local zoning board meeting in Decatur. I lost my temper and said some things about a neighbor's fence project that were way out of line. At first I tried the public apology route with a formal letter to the group. It felt stiff and rehearsed and nobody really responded. Then last month I got a second chance at another meeting and I just walked up to that neighbor and said "I was wrong and I'm sorry" face to face no notes no speech. The difference was night and day. He actually shook my hand and a few other people came up later saying they respected how I handled it. Has anyone else found that private direct apologies work better than public ones even when the mess up was public?

3 comments

3 Comments

anna4911mo agoMost Upvoted

Hmm okay so if the public part wasn't the problem then why did the FIRST apology flop so bad? I mean you wrote a whole letter and everything. Was it because you didn't actually look at anyone when you said it? Because I've seen people read off a paper and it feels like they're hiding behind the words. They don't have to deal with the real person's reaction.

jadej501mo ago

Hmm you said "private direct apologies work better than public ones." But here's the thing - your face to face apology was still public. It happened at a meeting with other people around. You just didn't have a script. I think what really worked was dropping the formal letter act and being real. Letters feel like lawyer talk. Looking someone in the eye and admitting you were wrong is harder but it shows you actually mean it. The audience doesn't matter as much as the sincerity.

price.ben1mo ago

So is it fair to say that having a few people nearby actually helped keep you honest, since you couldn't just walk away from it? Because I've seen apologies in private that felt more like checking a box than really owning the mistake. The audience might not matter, but the accountability of being in front of others sure seems to force the sincerity you're talking about.