Oh please, don't even get me started on linen's whole deal. It lures you in with promises of cool, breezy perfection and then betrays you the second you sit down. You spend the entire day looking like you balled up your clothes and stored them in a forgotten drawer, all for the privilege of not sweating to death. It's the ultimate fashion compromise where you trade dignity for basic bodily comfort.

Ever find a tool that clearly had only one purpose? I uncovered a leather stitching awl in a basement crawlspace, wrapped in a 1930s tax receipt. The handle was worn smooth from use, and the receipt was for a forty dollar property payment. Just holding it made me picture some guy fixing his work boots by candlelight.

Ha! Music to my ears, ironically.