My ex told me I never took her suggestions seriously, so now I actually write down feedback when someone gives it

She said I'd nod along to her ideas about dinner spots or movies but then always pick what I wanted anyway, and that hit way harder than I expected. Now when my roommate suggests a different route to avoid traffic I at least try it once before going back to my old way - has anyone else had a relationship end over something small like not really listening?

3 comments

3 Comments

the_parker22d ago

Ask yourself this - when your roommate suggested that traffic route, did you actually believe there was a chance it'd be better, or were you just going through the motions to prove you could listen? The lawnmower thing sounds like you knew going in you'd hate it and just wanted to check a box. I've done that with my ex's ideas too, and looking back, the real test is whether you ever changed your mind during the experiment, not after.

troy_price23d agoOG Member

lily_torres31 made a good point about asking what they actually need, but here's what I'm wondering - how do you tell the difference between just trying something once to shut them up and actually giving it a real chance? Like when my buddy kept pushing me to use a different lawnmower brand, I tried his once just to prove him wrong more than anything. Did you catch yourself doing that with your roommate's traffic route, or were you genuinely open to changing lanes?

lily_torres3123d ago

The part where you said "I'd nod along but then always pick what I wanted anyway" really stood out to me because I think a lot of people don't realize how much that feels like a total dismissal to the other person. It's not really about the movie or dinner spot itself, it's about them feeling like their voice doesn't matter in the relationship at all. Maybe the real lesson here is that trying someone else's way once is good, but actually asking them what they need from you about that listening problem could go even further.