Man that Mike guy really did you dirty with that moisture advice. I had a similar thing happen with a local "expert" who told me never to press my books because it damages the spine. So I left this Hulk 181 with a nasty crease for years thinking I was preserving it. Finally took it to a pro presser and he fixed it up no problem, brought it from like a 6.0 to a solid 8.0 after pressing and cleaning. The crease was literally just a storage bend, not even a color break. Makes me wonder how many other books I let get beat down because I listened to someone who just repeated what their buddy told them in 1995.

Buddy's neighbor tried that, car died four days later.

You said "freezing is a bandaid fix that never works," and I get where you're coming from, but I've actually had pretty good luck with it on steel frames. The trick is you gotta chill the race, not the fork crown, and heat the crown race seat a little with a heat gun first. That way the race shrinks and the seat expands, so it slides on easier without forcing it. If you just freeze a race and try to tap it on a cold fork, yeah, you're asking for trouble with cracks or stuck parts. But done right, it beats filing if the seat is just a hair too tight, not all warped or burry. Not saying filing is wrong, just that freezing has its place with the right prep.

Got a buddy who's a welder and he swears by his grandpa's old hammer. Says it hits harder and feels better than any new one he's tried.

Oh man, that sounds like a rough day with the potato salad. I'm sorry your family reunion turned into a conspiracy lecture.